So, yesterday passed without much incident. Not that I thought that the world would stop because a year has passed since living in Korea became a distinct possibility. But still, it surprised me just a tiny bit that I did not have a good cry over it. Does that mean I'm become more of a stable person? Pah! Perish the thought!
I did remember reactions of some people after I told them that we might be moving to Korea. Went something like this:
Me: "So, you know how Chris is in Korea right now on business? Well, the company he's working with offered him a fulltime job - he's actually thinking of taking it too. So, we might be moving to Korea."
Me: "Yeah, Korea."
Friend: *hesitates a moment* "KOREA?!?!"
Me: *sigh* "Yes, KOREA."
Friend: "Are you serious? Korea? That's far away! Wait, KOREA?!"
Me: "Yes, I'm serious and yes, it is far away! I don't know what to think about this."
Friend: "But, aren't you afraid of being close to, you know, NORTH KOREA?"
That's when I'd just say that this is a possibility and that we're not sure yet what's going to happen. I didn't want to go into a long explaination why I'd probably be safer in South Korea than I was in Los Angeles from an attack from the North Koreans. *eyeroll* And I didn't know that 3 days later Chris would have to make a decision and take the job without actually having a chance to talk to me about it in person.
No, I'm not completely done with being bitter about that.
This was the first time in our marriage that a major decision was not made jointly. And it was the crux of my rage and unhappiness for a long time. I think Chris got that (didn't you?).
To be fair to my amazing husband (yes, he still is amazing), he made a tough decision when he had to. He made what he thought was the right decision for the family. He said in an email to me from back then, "I want to provide for you, and this job is a big opportunity to *really* do that..."
Before our move, he was working as an independent consultant. Translation: work really hard one month only to hope that the clients keep you on for the next. Things like budget cuts, reorganizations, buy-outs...those were his enemies and he couldn't do anything to fight them. And we were struggling with no insurance and a less-than-steady paycheck. And I could tell that he wasn't thrilled with the work. Help desk stuff. Nothing that challenged him, made use of his enormous skills. The guy is talented, but the work wasn't fulfilling him.
Then this job offer came. Helping to build a company from the ground up. Working in an exciting field. Doing things that would challenge him, fulfill him, that would take advantage of his skills, his talent, his mind. And it had the potential to pay, really pay. BIG.
But...freaking KOREA?!?! (That's sort of become a catch phrase for me.)
The other thing that people would say when I told them that we were possibly moving to Korea was how they wish they could move too.
My first thought was, "Really? I don't get it." Then I thought, "Ok, take my place!" Honestly, I didn't get why people would want to move. What about your life, your friends, family? What about feeling secure and in familiar surroundings? I just didn't get how anyone could envy the position I was in. What about all my friends and support system and volunteer work and scrapping buddies and my house and my things? My day-to-day life was actually quite fulfilling for me. I never really realized that until now. I liked the fact that if Chris wasn't not around, I wasn't helpless and just stuck at home with the kids. I had friends I could call on and go out with and chat with and vent to and who they have kids who Maya and Nadia could play with too.
I still miss all that. A year later, I still don't get why anyone would want to leave a life they are happy in for what I have (to travel, sure, but not to move). But, I'm surviving and am doing much better than I thought I would be. I don't have the full support system down yet, but my children are happy, Chris seems to enjoy his work, I've seen some places that I probably wouldn't have otherwise, there are really good chances for more travel and more cool experiences (like experiencing the Lunar New Year celebrations here!), we are settled and comfotable. And my attitude is getting better and I'm actually looking forward to the future. I don't know, maybe Chris is right.
Maybe I am lot stronger than I give myself credit for.