Oh, my heart hurts! - A Movement In Time And Space
Moving through time and space in our own way
Oh, my heart hurts!
Today, we were out shopping, trying to find gifts for the girls. We had some success here and there, me picking up items after Maya had spotted them and then was lured away by Chris to another display somewhere else. But at one point, the inevitable happened.

As most of you know, Nadia gets gobs of attention here in Korea because of her big eyes. She literally gets Mobbed! Today was no exception. At one point, a saleslady couldn't help herself with Nadia. She followed us down the aisle just to be with Nadia! Her stall was one of accessories - hair clips, hair bands, necklaces and the like. We were about to leave when she disappeared behind her counter and starts rummaging feverishly through some drawers. She finally finds a really cute clip, one of a black crown with jewels on it. She runs over to Nadia, who stands at attention, and puts the clip in Nadia's hair. Then she pulls Nadia over to the mirror to see, and Nadia totally starts admiring herself in the mirror.

Maya was devastated. The saleslady barely saw her and gave her nothing. Maya grabs my hand and is perilously close to tears. "What about me? How come she isn't giving me something? I want a pretty clip too."

And then the line that just tears at my heart and makes me want to club that saleslady to a pulp:

"She didn't even see me. It's like I'm not even here!"


My heart hurt for my little girl, my beautiful sweet child who only wanted a pretty clip in her hair just like her little sister. And the really sad part is that this happens a lot here. 99% of the time, Maya is quite happy to not have attention on her, to not be Mobbed and have her hair stroked and her cheeks patted or pinched. But I knew this would happen sometime. Most people are very good about giving things to both of them, even if they pay more attention to Nadia. But this time, it really was like the saleslady didn't even see Maya at all.

And I didn't know how to tell Maya to stand up for herself. Should I have told her to ask the saleslady for a clip too? The hairclip for Nadia was a present, she even said, "A present for baby." to us when she put it in Nadia's hair. How do I say, "Well, do you have another present for my older daughter too?" I tried to tell Maya that things aren't going to be equal for them all the time. Like at birthdays - at Maya's birthday, Nadia doesn't get presents and vice-versa.

But this time, she got the fact that Nadia got the attention because the salelady thought she was pretty. And the fact that Maya felt like she wasn't even seen must have made her think that she wasn't pretty enough.

My heart hurts again.

I spent some time alone with Maya before bedtime, just cuddling on my bed and talking and tickling each other. I must have told her 20 times that she was so pretty, so beautiful. Must have kissed her 100 times. Gave her dozens of Squeeze Hugs.

I hope she knows that she's my favorite Maya in the whole wide world and that I love her as big as the outer space. Cause that's even bigger than a planet.

Tags: , ,
What I'm feeling: loved sad but full of love

9 thoughts or Leave your thoughts
gnotobiotically From: gnotobiotically Date: December 17th, 2005 01:11 pm (UTC) (Link)

That's so touching. You're a wonderful mother.

I bet my sister wasn't the least bit jealous when an (supposedly Japanese) woman on guam offered to buy me from my mother...

I was about Nadia's age actually, and my sister was only 16 months older.
Yes, when we lived on Guam I got ALL the attention. Little blonde kids tended to.

That is so sad that Maya would feel inferior (if that's how she felt) if not just jealous that Nadia was given a pretty little gift...

Heck, either of my bros would have thrown a fit if something like that happened...
I think they were raised a little too fairly, and expect eveyone to treat them as equals.

When Jordan gets something cool and new, Joshua has to get one just like it, or, well... we don't like to think about it. And vice-versa.
It's funny how when one has to get a tooth filled, the other never complains that they need a filling as well though...

I think Joshua was pretty sick of recieving the same exact presents on his b-day that Jordan recieved just 2 months prior.

He told me that he never has any suprises... and he likes suprises.
Perhaps they are finally growing out of it? Who knows...
I'm getting them the same thing for Giftmas, but that is because they are both crazy over Animal Crossing.

I tend to be the trend-setter in the family. GoFigure!

Anywho, back on topic (I'm very sorry that I'm just so scatter-brained...) You're doing the best job that you can, and God knows it's SO much better than a lot of (if not, most) parents out there.
gnotobiotically From: gnotobiotically Date: December 17th, 2005 02:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
I followed your link back to the "Mobbed" post, and I can't help but laugh everytime I get to that one picture!

I'd be kinda weireded out if I were her!

That's just crazy!
From: gabbytheguy Date: December 17th, 2005 02:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
Aww, thats so sad.

It reminds me of a time we were at a pub in Stratford and some Japanese tourists accosted Martha with Audrey in the ladies washrooms - they wanted to take photos of Audrey and were all over her like a rash.

I think it's maybe the "baby" syndrome - had Maya been the same age Nadia is now, doubtless she would have been getting mountains of attention, but it is unfortunate that she got completely blanked by this lady...perhaps not the most tactful thing for her to do.

All I can really say is that from what I've seen both your kids are gorgeous, and hopefully the love and support you give them both will eventually make them realise they are both unique, special and beautiful in their own ways.
From: laufeifei Date: December 17th, 2005 02:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
gods...I looked at your photos, following the mobbed link...>.> Korean girls...cell phones, its so stereotypical LOL, poor little Nadia.

And poor Maya :o oh my, to be a mother and to have to deal with that. But your a very sweet mother! That must have been so hard for Maya, to see her younger sister getting attention and presents like that. But I think that, from the pictures I have seen on your journal, both your daughters are so cute! I am terribly sorry that happened, I hope Maya is feeling better from all the mommy love she got...
From: junetoo Date: December 17th, 2005 02:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
I think part of it has to do with Nadia's age - kinda still baby. I think part of it might have to do with her unusual (to them) features, like darker skin color. I get a lot of compliments on my unusual features in Asia, probably because to them a Mexican is a unique tourist lol.

But Maya's so cute too!
minminminminnie From: minminminminnie Date: December 17th, 2005 03:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wow... that's crazy. The big eyes thing, yeah, 'cause Asians have squinty eyes. Which is why I got plastic surgery when I was in 7th grade to get the double crease and make my eyes bigger. Well, it worked, lol, and most people don't even notice it now... it's become a part of me. Although my eyes still get squinty!

Even now, because I'm the only daughter of my father, I get attention from people in the Korean community. My little brother doesn't care, he's in the "I'm a teenager and I don't care" phase. Actually, he wouldn't care anyway, unless it was something monetary from someone.

I'm really sorry that life is like this... but glad and awed about your mothership... hehe.
warmpinkglow From: warmpinkglow Date: December 17th, 2005 04:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
You are a wonderful mama!

My experience in early childhood was similar to Maya's, but mine was because I was the big sister to two identitical twin girls who looked exactly alike (and were very cute). People would stop us EVERYWHERE we went to look at the girls, admire the girls, oh they're so cute, they're so charming, and I would step in and say, "AND I AM THEIR BIG SISTER, ERICA!" until someone acknowledged me.

To this day, I still struggle with scars from that growing up experience. I'm sure your Maya will be just fine, as you are handling it very well. Kudos to you!
From: scarslet Date: December 17th, 2005 06:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
That stupid saleslady. I adore Nadia for her cuteness, and for her huge eyes (they're so dark! I mean WOW!) but Maya is pretty, cute and adorable all on her own. In fact, whenever I see pictures of the two I want to cuddle them both.

They need to look forward to the mail in January. They'll be getting some things from me. =)
manda_kitty From: manda_kitty Date: December 18th, 2005 06:47 am (UTC) (Link)
awww *hugs to both of you* tell maya i think shes pretty too!
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